nasty girls

Dear Suzie,

I would like to tell you about a problem that I can’ t solve.
Everybody thinks I’m always happy, but it’s not really the truth.
When I go to school, I become sad. I don’t accept my face, but especially my body. I see many girls that look like top models. I’ve tried to lose weight since I was 7 years, but nothing has changed. Last year two girls (they are in my class, unfortunately) told me that I’m so ugly. (Guys think I’m pretty.) One of those girls also said to me that if she was me, she will kill herself, because she feels ashamed of my look. When I go to bed, I thinks of these words and I feel bad. Sometimes, at school, I go in a place where I can stay alone. I like stay with friends, but it’ s not so easy to show the face and the body. I lost self-respect. I may be too sensitive. What do you think? What should I do? Excuse me for the English. I don’t speak your language.

What a horrible situation – you do have my sympathy. But I have to say you’re making a big mistake, believing this poor girls. I say “poor” because they obviously have a lot of problems and you should feel sorry for them. Think about it; they go up to a girl and tell her she should kill herself because she is ugly. Now, what sort of a person says that?

If it was true, why would you want to make a girl who already feels bad, feel worse? If it was not true, why would you want to persuade someone it was? I’ll tell you; girls who feel so awful about themselves, who perhaps are having such a bad time in some part of their lives, that they have to spread misery around. They think by making other people feel awful they won’t feel quite so bad.

So take my word for it; they are not telling the truth. They picked on you for two reasons.

One was that you are pretty and they’re jealous. They want to make you feel bad because they think that will put them above you and they’ll feel good. Sadly for them, it doesn’t actually work that way. You may be miserable. When they go home, I bet they’re even sadder than you.

But the other reason they pick on them is because you let them. You’ve tried to lose weight since you were 7? Why on earth would you do that? If you really have a weight problem then speak to your doctor and have him or her help you and your parents work out a sensible plan for healthy eating and exercise. But I suspect there is nothing to worry about with your face or your body. You’ve let a lack of self esteem persuade you there is, and your lack of self confidence makes you a very easy target for bullies.

You stand out as different and they can easily confuse you, your English not being so good, and that makes you a target. But it’s your willingness to you let these girls cut you out of the crowd and drive you away from your friends to be by yourself that really makes you the target. They bully, but you let them.

Don’t let their nasty, silly little games work. Hold your pretty head up and go be with your friends. If they try it again, laugh in their faces and say “What’s your problem?”

Your school must have an anti-bullying policy, which it should put into action. You should tell a teacher, and your parents, what has been happening and ask them to do something about it.

But the best way you can deal with it is head on. It’s not true and you can tell them so. And you could tell them that whatever problems they have that leads them to be so pathetically nasty, you sympathize. If they want some help a counsellor or agony aunt such as myself would be glad to listen and support them to change their own life and change their behaviour. Good luck!

PS Your English is actually good! So I bet your face and body are even better!

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