I just came across this site while i was surfing the internet. Can you advice me please? I have met this wonderful person who make me feel like no other person have in my entire life. But like all stories there is something he is living with this girl which whom he got a kid with plus she is helping him since about three years with his other kids from his previous marriages. He said he love me and I believe him and I am a bit confused right now I dont know if I believe him because I really need to hear those words or if he really mean it he is an awsome person sweet caring etc etc etc he is also talking about a future together i dont know what to do please help me
Tough situation and I can see how you might want to keep hold of someone who seems wonderful, who makes you feel good and who says he loves you.
You believe him. From what you have said to me, I do not. Indeed, I hear alarm bells ringing. He’s awesome, sweet and caring? He is at present living with someone who has a child with him. At the very least, you’re saying your awesomely sweet, caring man is cheating on not just a partner but a child. He’s lying to them – spending time with you and money on you while his partner and child wait at home for him. You think such deception is awesome and sweet and caring?
And you then drop another bombshell; this awesome and sweet and caring man has not just one child but several other children from several other relationships. So he has lied and cheated on not one but several sets of women, and children, to have what he wants. What does he want, I wonder? Sex and ironed shirts, cooked meals and a warm bed when he wants it, with whom he wants it, without all that boring faithfulness stuff in exchange.
Of course he’s very good at making women feel he loves only them and has a future with them – he has had an awful lot of practice at saying these things to a wide variety of women. Wonder whether he says the same to the kids, or does he bunk off before they get to an age when they can see through such declarations to say “Yes Dad, but what about me?”
You say you need to hear such words. I have no doubt whatsoever he knows this; users and abusers like this are very good at targeting people who are vulnerable to their techniques. What you actually need is some help to become more self confident so you aren’t so needy, and thus don’t lay yourself open to such treatment.
Make an effort to get some friends. Make an effort to do something – work training, exercise, volunteering – that helps you feel good about yourself and your skills. Talk to someone – a relative, friends, your own doctor, a counsellor – to help you work out why you’re in such need to hear nice words and how you can make sure next time you pick a guy who deserves to hear you say such words to him. Good luck!