Dear Suzie, I am at the end of my tether with my current relationship. When we first got together, everything was perfect and we got on so well, but then after about 5 months, things stated to go wrong and we would argue about silly things. About
10 weeks ago, we decided to take some time out because he felt he wasn’t giving me the time I wanted due to other commitments. We still see eachother quite a lot but this last week or so, the arguments seem to be happening all the time. I want us to work at it and get back togther because I love him so much, but I don’t know how much more we can take. Please help.
If this was a relationship of some 5 years standing, where the two of you had established a shared history and had some experience of living and being together, I’d suggest you seek some help and support in finding out what went wrong and how to mend it. When you’ve invested time, effort and emotion in being a couple it would be a terrible shame to throw it all away. But 5 months?
5 months tells me that you started on the usual high of sex and lust and having fun – anyone can stay together through that period. What has then happened is that reality has bitten. Perhaps both of you have discovered that you have little in common beyond the fact that you’re opposite sexes, straight and were into each other at first. He seems to be either saying that his work, friends or family is the more important aspect of his life at present – or that this is a convenient excuse to duck out of having to say “Listen, this isn’t doing it for me.”
I know it feels like love – but love is something that builds between people over a period of time longer than half a year. You fancy him and still fancy him. You long for this to work. Perhaps you have invested a lot in him – an investment of dreams and hopes and fantasies,. But that’s not the same as having a relationship. And the key point of what makes a relationship is that it’s mutual – and this doesn’t sound mutual to me.
I’m really sorry, and very sad for you. But just because you want it with all your being won’t make him want it too. Stop taking the pain and misery and let go. Invest your time, effort and energy – and eventually, love – on someone who returns it.