She’s not interested in sex

Dear Suzie, please please could you help me we have been married for 19 years although we do sleep together again my wife is not intested in sex and we havn’t had a relationship for 17 years I feel totaly unatractive to women and just dont Know what to do?

Problems like this may be seen as one person’s difficulty. You seem to be saying you want sex and your wife doesn’t, so you feel rejected and that it’s about her not being interested. But you’ve been married for almost 20 years. That’s a lot of time together – a significant number of years spent sharing a life as well as a bed. What happened that led to your stopping having sex, and why did you accept the situation up until now?

The truth is that problems in a couple relationship are couple problems and need to be seen as shared – which means the solution is shared. What should you do? Talk it over with her – not as an accusation of her rejection but as an exploration of how both of you feel and how both of you may prefer it to be. I’d strongly support the idea of your discussing the situation with a counsellor, through your GP or at Relate either as a couple or on your own. Good luck!

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