She’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing!

Dear Suzie, 

 My sister-in law (brother’s wife) is a wolf in sheep’s clothing she prentends to help my sick mom and after she does sends me emails saying it’s my responsibility to take care of her (I did for 20 years)when she gets mad at my mom she lets my daughter know and my daughter than gets mad at me thinking I don’t take responsibility for my mom.  She continues to talk to my ex and has brain washed my daughter.  I had cancer my daughter never came to see me and scheduled my grandaughter’s b-day on the day I was in the hospital having family members choose who they were going to see. My daughter continually runs to her because she sides with her. My daughter will not let me see my grandaughter. What would you do in this situation?  If I say anything no one believes she is causing all the trouble between us.  They say I don’t want to get involved.  She already is involved.  My brother could care less and tunes her out in the meantime I am broken hearted.

There seems to be a lot of hurt and loss and anger flying about here. In such situations  I don’t think it helps to be chasing after who’s to blame. It sounds as if what really hurts you is the fact that your daughter and you are estranged and you have no contact with your granddaughter. So, concentrate on that. Send her a letter saying you’d like to see her and your granddaughter and you’d like to put aside whatever it was that led to your quarrel.

When it comes to family rows the sad fact is that no-one ever feels they are at fault – we all think we’re in the right and other people are in the wrong. But as long as you cling to that, you’ll stay at loggerheads. Sometimes, suggesting you both simply set it aside can  heal the breach and allow you to begin again. Once you are back inside the family you can all discuss and agree on how you’ll fairly share out responsibility for caring for anyone who needs extra support.

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