Why can’t I get a boyfriend?

Dear Suzie, 

 I’m 23 and though I consider myself a feminist and happily say that I am complete as I am, there is always that niggling doubt – why can’t I get a boyfriend?

It’s so horrendously cliché of me, isn’t it?  I’ve only had one relationship, but we really weren’t suited – I met him at a lonely time and thought I’d rather be with someone than no one.

 There have been people I like but I’ve always been a bit shy and I find it hard to get talking to them, always worried that they’ll think I’m strange.  And men never seem to be interested in me!  How do I let them know I’m available without waving my cleavage at them??



Good partners can take a bit of finding. You’re starting the right way – I think the best relationships begin when you don’t need a partner to lean on but would like someone to share your life with, as an optional extra. 

It’s easy to get a boy or girlfriends if you’re someone who would take anyone who asks or is askable, who simply wants a partner in order not to be thought odd. It’s a bit harder when you’re prepared to be a bit picky and only accept a real soulmate. But the advantages are enormous – you don’t end up writing to me or in my consulting rooms asking for help when it all goes wrong!

You say men never seem interested. Well – people tend to be put off when they feel anyone they approach is lukewarm or hostile to them. And while you may know your behaviour is because you are shy, a guy may see it as aloof or rejecting. Don’t worry a bout how people think of you – the right person, after all, is the person who likes you for yourself. Take me, for instance. I like sci fi and fell walking and am a very strong personality. Yes – I’m very strange. The right guy for me was the man who thought this was a plus. If I’d hidden my true character I’d never have found him.

You let people know you’re available by  making eye contact, by smiling, by being open and friendly. Stop worrying about yourself and have some confidence. When you do, you’ll find people will stop being put off by the barriers I suspect you’re erecting around you. Good luck!

This entry was posted in All Advice, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink.