Dear Suzie,
Need some advice. I’ve been working with a girl for a year now and about 3-4 months into things we started seeing each other. Problem is that she has a boyfriend of a couple of years.
She finished with her boyfriend a couple of months after we started seeing each other but then got cold feet and went back to him. I was clearly gutted and gave her the cold shoulder.
I decided to move on and tried to put her out of my mind. Eventually after a few months we got speaking again – we had to really becuase we sat about 5 foot apart – and things started up again.
Last week I moved jobs and on the Thursday she told me that she couldn’t cheat on her boyfriend anymore. I’m not absolutely gutted and can’t stop thinking about her. I’d love to know what you think?
Did you notice the mistake you made there? I’m sure you think you meant to say “I’m absolutely gutted” but you didn’t. You said “I’m not absolutely gutted”. A Freudian slip, we call it; when your unconscious mind says the truth.
I think you’ve moved on. You realised you can’t trust this girl to care for you in the same way as you care for her. Whichever way you dress it up she was being unfaithful in being with you – something that is could cut two ways.
And while you seem to feel responsible for her and bad about her confusion and indecisiveness, the reality is that what she does is her business; she’s an adult. You need to look after yourself and cutting yourself loose and looking for love with someone who is free is your best option. Which, I think, your unconscious mind has realised!
Yes, you feel sad and keep thinking about her. So mourn – you owe yourself that, after all your hopes and dreams. But you’re in a new job now. Set about making friends and building up a support network of friends and acquaintances who will be there for you. Go out and enjoy yourself. And tell yourself this; just because you’re attracted to someone doesn’t mean you have to go after them. If they’re already taken, back off and make a conscious effort to look for people who are available to you. Good luck!