Dear Suzie,on my birthday me and a guy i really like kissed and i liked it. Now we are seeing each other and about two days ago we almost had sex and i can not stop thinking about it. I am not ready to and he kind of understands but when we are together he always tries to go me into sleeping with him.No matter how many times i have told him that i am not ready he still would not listen.He does not get angry when i push him away, he always aske’s me until when am i going to stay a virgin.Can you please give me advice on whether he loves me or he just wants to sleep with me.confused and scarred
I’m not surprised you’re scared. No means no. If he cared for you he’d respect that. He wouldn’t go on asking – he’d realise that’s your decision and one he needs to appreciate. Want my opinion? He’s a bully. He’s a pig. If you were a friend of mine I’d have you away from him so fast it would make your head spin.
No means no. A guy who doesn’t appreciate this is a rapist in the making. Did you know that 75% of rape cases aren’t even reported to the police? That just 15% of rapes result in a conviction? And why? Because women tend to feel ashamed, tend to feel it was their fault, tend to be scared they won’t be believed. And men tend to feel that it’s ok to ignore a clear “No, I’m not ready” and go on and on until they get to feel sex is their right and they can just take.
No means no. You’ve clearly said what you feel; you’re not ready. He just as clearly only cares for his own feelings. Just because he doesn’t ‘get angry’ does that make his behaviour any the less bullying? I think not.
No means no. How long are you going to stay a virgin? Until the right time – your time. Until the right bloke – one who listens to you and would hate to hurt you or push you into anything you didn’t want.
No means no. He doesn’t love you. If he loved you he’d listen to you and respect you and your decision. He just wants to sleep with you. Drop him. Now.