Pregnant and dumped

Dear Suzie,
I’m three months pregnant, I don’t think I could stand having and abortion and I can’t tell my parents because they’d kill me. My boyfriend has dumped me and says it’s my problem not his. I’ve nobody to turn to. What can I do?

Get up from the computer now and go find your Mum. Tell her you need her help and could you please sit down and talk. Take a deep breath, calm yourself and then tell her what you’ve told me. She may be angry, at first. Parents often are but most of the time they’re concerned, caring and only want to do what’s best for their child. But the longer you leave it, the more upset she will be because she’s going to find out sooner or later, isn’t she? Once the dust has settled you’ll find not having to keep it a secret any longer a great relief.

Make an appointment to see your doctor at once to get the best care possible and discuss options. You may still be within the deadline for an abortion if you change your mind when you’ve talked it through. If you are going ahead with the pregnancy, you need medical care anyway and the sooner the better. And if you do go ahead with the pregnancy, your boyfriend will soon discover it’s his responsibility whether he likes it or not – in law, he has to support his baby even if he doesn’t see it. Boys often come round when they have a chance to shape up and act maturely, however.

Most teenagers in your position are convinced their parents “would kill them” and then find the worry was far worse than the reality. But if you really come from a culture and a family in which this is a genuine danger see your doctor on your own – you can, even if you’re under 16 – or a teacher at school and ask for help. Consider this carefully; if you really think you are at risk, make it clear your fears are genuine and ask for protection.

You’re not alone – there is lots of help out there for you, you just have to ask for it. So please – get moving, now.

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