Am I a gay transvestite?

Dear Suzie,im a 30 year old male and im in a relationship but i like to wear womens underwear and i had an experiment with a gay friend of mine who lets me indulge in this practise does it mean i am gay and a transvestite

If you like to wear women’s clothing then, yes, the usual description that fits would be transvestite. But people can get a kick out of or have a deep need to dress in the clothing of the opposite sex without being gay. Many transvestite men dress up and have sex with women partner’s not men.

Men who have sex with men often claim they are not gay and I can see what they might be saying. The issue is that in this society we seem to assume sexual behaviour is a one-way door – you’re either on one side or the other and once through you can’t go back. But plenty of people slide up and down on a continuum of sexual behaviour. Some people are only and ever straight. Some are bisexual. Some are only and ever gay. Most are mainly gay or mainly straight in varying degrees. So you can experiment with one sex while still reserving most of your sexual attraction to the other.

What I do think you need to consider, seriously, is this. That having a gay fling or experiment while calling yourself straight is still being unfaithful. If your girlfriend did the same – or had a little sexual moment with that hunk from the rugby club – would dressing it up in some apparently trivialising description somehow make it any the less hurtful or a betrayal? And having a one-off, non-serious dabble doesn’t mean you’re protected from catching a sexual infection. It’s amazing how many people think by downplaying the event you’re downplaying the consequences. If you want to dress up, fine. It’s a fairly common desire and you’ve no need to box yourself in because of it. But what you do is more important than the terms you use to describe it. Think about what your behaviour may do to you and how it may be seen by those you love and be safe.

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