My baby’s father is HIV+

Dear Suzie, Im pregnant with my mums boyfriends baby and he has recently told her that he is HIV positive i dont know what to do and there isnt anyone i can talk to as they would demand to know who the father is. am i going to die????

You need to see your doctor as soon as possible for a whole range of help. If what you have told me is true, while it’s by no means certain you’ll have been infected it is a risk. The sooner you get medical help the better for you and this baby because being HIV+ is by not an automatic death sentence. Get help soon and no, you wouldn’t die. Your doctor isn’t going to ‘demand’ anything. All he or she is going to want to do is the best by you and your baby.

You’re not going to be able to keep this secret much longer anyway, are you? Sooner or later your Mum is going to be asking who the father is. If you’ve talked it over with your doctor, who is bound by medical rules to keep it between the two of you until you’re ready to explain, you can get his or her help in what to do about all this.

You haven’t told me how old you are. If you’re under age, your mother’s boyfriend is an abuser. If you’re over 16, he’s still an abuser if he’s living in your house as a responsible adult. And in my book even if you’re over 18 any man who has sex with his partner’s daughter is an abuser. So you need help in sorting this out, quite apart from the very urgent medical help you need. And even if you are clear from HIV – and I do so hope that you are – you still should be under medical care as soon as possible in your pregnancy.

Go see your doctor today. Do it. Now.

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