I don’t feel safe with men.

Dear Suzie,

Recently I’ve had a guy take advantage of me. I was stupid and didn’t realize what I was doing at the time. I think this might have affected the way I see men. I havn’t felt safe with a guy for weeks and I have dumped a few because it didn’t feel right. Now I just don’t know what to do. I’m confused about the people I can trust and have driven great guys away because I havn’t felt right. Everytime I go out the house I’m afraid I might see the guy who did it. Even though he moved like an hours drive away from me! I think he has changed my life completely. I can hardly look a man in the eye now. Please help me. I’m tearing my self apart over this.

I’m so sorry to hear about this. Of course if you’ve had a bad experience and if your trust has been abused you will feel wary and hurt and find it hard to trust again in a hurry. All men are NOT abusers who will take advantage of you. Neither are you to blame for what happened – the man who did this did so because he decided to do so, so part of what you require is the chance to place the blame and fury for this where it belongs.

You need to be able to dump all your pain, anger and humiliation on someone who can understand and help you. It really sounds as if you could do with someone to talk to so you can let go of your fright and anger, and to work out some safe and effective strategies to help you get back your life.

Your own GP may be a good place to start – he or she can listen sympathetically and make suggestions about who might be able to help you locally. Or, contact Rape Crisis at Rape Crisis

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