I am hopelessly in love

Dear Suzie,
This is proberly going to sound really stupid to a adult because I am only 15 but I am hopelessly in love. Theres a boy that gets on my schools bus who is 17/18 and I love him so much. All I do is think about him and whenever I listen to particular songs all I do is think of him. He barely knows me, although we sit next 2 each other quite a few times and to be honest I dont know a great deal about him but I know he is gorgeous, funny, caring and a good person. I wish he knew how I felt about him but in some ways wish he didn’t, only if it ruined our friendship or he didn’t actually like me. I feel so hopeless and ugly and like I need to loose weight and I don’t know why. All I ever do is think of him and I only like going to school so I can see him. please help me some how. I am DESPERATE. x x

No, it doesn’t sound stupid at all. 15 is about the age that most of us first experience the strength of first love and it is always quite overwhelming.

But because I don’t think it stupid that doesn’t mean I’m going to say “Oooh yes, this is the real thing and you should pursue him to the ends of the world”. Your feelings are genuine and intense and very understandable. They are exactly the emotions that drove Romeo (who was 17) and Juliet (who was 15)…and look what happened to them. Go read your Shakespeare. When Romeo first met Juliet, he was madly in love with another girl and was declaring his undying affection for her.

The point I’m making is that your feelings can be intense and real and thoroughly admirable, but that doesn’t mean they will last. Teenagers go through these sudden and intense experiences for the same reason you go through sudden passions about the environment, war, certain music or film stars, fashions, career choices. It’s all about your mind and your body doing a shake down, giving the hormones racing through your body a work out and trying on personalities, enthusiasms and appearances for size.

You’re not in love with him. Love is about knowing someone and you don’t really know him – you have an image about who you think and fantasize he is. Which is fine – it’s fun and all a part of growing up to have these intense infatuations. But believe me – if you gave it a few weeks, or got to know him, you’d find the feelings would calm down a bit. If you got to know him you may find this strength of feeling gave way to something a lot more satisfying – a real friendship with the person he really is. Or, of course, you may find neither of you really hit it off at all and it might be you who cools down first.

As for feeling you are not worthy; rubbish! Trust me – you’re gorgeous. But you may not be his type and you shouldn’t feel the worse for that.

How can I help you? I can’t match-make and I wouldn’t want to, nor give you the secret key to making him your slave. I can’t wave a magic wand and make you instantly irresistible to him – and again, I wouldn’t want to.

What I can do is reassure you that what you are feeling is normal and natural; that you will recover from it; that you should hold your head up high and accept your own worth.

And what I can suggest is that the next time he gets on your bus you smile at him. If he hasn’t noticed you before he will. And if he finds you interesting, he’ll take the opportunity to sit next to you and get chatting. But don’t place too much importance on all this. Believe me – first love may be powerful and distracting but it’s seldom last love. And it’s certainly not worth losing sleep or school work over!

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