dear suzie im rely upset this is why ive taken the time to write to you as none of my mates seem to care. the problem is this boy i really like and thought liked me.
im 14 years old and have up n down relationships with boys but i really really liked this one lad n hes soo gorgeous. however he wanted me to meet up with him but i was scared as by his area theres this girl there thats wants to bata me so i decided not to go. a week later i see him by my area he keeps calling my name and everyfin then he comes up 2 me and has a chat, hes alwayz saying im rely pritty and fit and makes me feel so great about myself. however what i didnt no was when i left he was with another girl calling me fat and ugly and not as pritty as he thought i was im really upset i saw him 2dy he made no attempt 2 say hello, and i feel so humiliated i just feel like crying. my self esteem is really low as i try ever so hard to loose weight and the boy i really like calls me the worsest name ever “fat” i feel so low at the moment and im not ebing myslef i just dont have a clue what to do im alwayz going on msn just to see if hes on and my lifes becoming a mess over this one boy. i understand u mite not be able to reply but i hope u do as no-one else will listen thankyou
I am sad to hear you’re feeling so unhappy. Let’s see if we can sort it out so you can feel better.
Let me get what happened clear. You like this boy and he asked you to meet him. You didn’t go because nearby where you were to meet him there’s a girl who has threatened you. A week later you see him near your home, he calls out to you and comes over and is really nice. When you go he tells another girl you’re fat and not as pretty as he had thought. Next time you saw him he ignores you. You now feel down in the dumps because he’s called you the worst thing ever; fat.
Your mates may care about you and how you’re feeling but be les than sympathetic about how you’re handling the situation. After all – look at what you did. You said you’d meet him then stood him up without an explanation. Instead of saying, “Hey – there’s this girl I don’t want to see…” you just decided not to go. In spite of that, he’s still nice to you but when he does get fed up of making the running, you decide he’s now saying horrible tings behind your back. Who told you he called you fat and not as pretty as he thought? Someone you trust? Or someone who’s either teasing or has a reason to want to bring you down – someone who wants him for themselves, for instance?
At 14 you get a little leeway. After all, you’re still learning now to make friends and to keep them, and how to see boys as human beings not aliens who have feelings too. So here’s a few tips;
- Don’t muck people around. If you say you’ll be the, be there and if you have a problem with it, tell them,
- Don’t believe rumours. If you hear from one person another person is saying things about you, go and ask them if it’s true. It may not be.
- Don’t obsess over people. All you do is build them up in your mind to be something they are not. However gorgeous this boy seems, he’s still a real life person. If you like him, go talk to him.
- Being fat is not the worst thing in the world.
I suspect you and your friends use ‘fat’ the same way you use ‘gay’ as ultimate insults – that is, the words don’t actually mean anything. Fat is being 90k when you should be 50 and it’s easily remedied; stop eating crisps and burgers and drinking fizzy drinks and do some exercise. Fat does not mean being size 10 or 12 when the models are size zero – that’s the same models who are dying from anorexia, BTW.
If you really do feel you have a problem with your weight, sit down and have a proper talk with your parents or carers about it. I don’t mean to be flip but losing weight isn’t rocket science and while it does take some effort and application, it is manageable. But you’ll need to have the people you live with on board to make meals that are fresh and healthy – lots of salad and vegetables, no fried food – and you’ll need to make time to start doing some running or other proper fitness activity.
Even if you are worrying over nothing, joining a class or club to do some exercise might also address your low self esteem. It sounds as if you spend way too much time at home being miserable and worried. Go out and talk to your friends f2f. Go out and do something that help you feel good. Just go out! Good luck!