I wonder if you can help me. I’m 32, single and heterosexual. My problem is that although I’m not a violent or aggressive individual, I’m aroused by the thought of violence, or the infliction of pain. For example, when I was younger, my parents took me to a bullfight whilst on holiday in Spain, and I was aware of a pleasant itching around my crotch, and nipples.
More recently, when I went on a historic tour in a medieval town centre, the guide explained how criminals were buried alive in the market please back in the Middle Ages. When I got back to my hotel I raised my skirt, and brought myself to release with my hand. Although I am content to achieve climax this way, these feelings make me feel very lonely and I write to ask whether there is any group or pen-friend club for women to satisfy release, or exchange sadistic fantasies.
Not that I’m aware of, but search on the internet and I’m sure you’d find something. But meanwhile, let me reassure you that you are hardly alone and have no reason to feel lonely. It’s fairly widespread to find the thought of violence and pain arousing. I say the thought, because violent fantasies are a common theme in pornography and erotica and indeed in mainstream films and writings.
What I should caution you against is concluding that this necessarily means you would find the real thing stimulating too, which is by no means certain. The majority of people have sexual fantasies and many are aroused by situations and scenarios – rape, group sex, bestiality, sado-masochism – that excite and satisfy them in the imagination but would actually repulse if actually experienced.