Should i ask him what he feels?

Dear Suzie, I’m falling for a guy at work, and from the signals he’s giving off, i think he feels the same. Trouble is, i don’t want to make a fool of myself and ask outright if he feels the same but at the same time i’m going mad not knowing. Help! I’m 34, and feel like a kid with a crush – it’s not geting any work done.

It’s not exactly an exact science, attraction. It’s not as if we turned pink when mildly attracted, red when interested and scarlet when madly in love. And you can’t always even tell yourself how much you like someone. You can find yourself drawn to their company without being able to put a finger on exactly how you feel about them. The only way you’re ever going to know how someone else feels is spend time with them and see what happens.

Asking someone out is a risk. I don’t think you risk making a fool of yourself unless your strategy is to swear undying love on the first date. Simply saying to another person “Come and have a drink with me after work” or “I was thinking of seeing that film tomorrow night – want to come?” isn’t exactly revealing of your feelings. But it does show interest and it does give someone who is equally interested the chance to follow it up.

I can think of two reasons why he has made no further moves. Men often have a hard time of it, being expected to be the ones to ask you out on a date. They often feel shy and awkward and unable to proceed, especially if you’re someone who don’t give off signals. You say he is, but are you returning the message in a way he can decipher?

The other reason may be that while your interest is romantic, his may simply be friendly – perhaps he already has a girlfriend. You’re never going to know unless you take a deep breath and issue an invitation. It doesn’t set you up for ridicule. If he’s already taken or not interested he’ll simply say Thanks but no thanks. Nothing embarrassing in that.

But if you say nothing and he’s also biting his lip and wishing he could ask, you’re at an impasse. And nothing but nothing is worse than missing a perfectly good chance at a relationship through inaction. Go for it!

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