Dear Suzie, I need advice on the female brain! lol, i’m making a joke about it, but seriously it’s driving me insane, I have a female friend, very attractive, known her for a year now, and we were getting on great!, i wanted a relationship in the begining but she rejected me, saying she weren’t physically attracted to me, we met on a internet dating site, and 2 month ago, she was on there at the same time as me, and we decided to do testimonials for eachother, which appear on members profiles, she said some kind things about me to help me in my quest, and on hers i wrote her a poem, which she said she LOVED! however, i didn’t realise at the time, that 6 months previous, i had written the same poem on another womans profile, some jealous guy told her, and when i spoke to her on the phone, she seemed distant and upset, but at this point i didn’t know WHY?, what it was all about!, just,1 week before she was being really warm, i asked what the matter was? and she just sa id she felt tired, she never mentioned it to me, we were having a conversation about settling down, and she said, she didn’t want kids or to live with a man, so i replied, ( well maybe you will never bother to settle down), at which point she got angry and put the phone down, she won’t speak to me now, i KNOW!! it’s the testimonial thing, but, WHY!?, would she react like that if she isn’t interested in me?, and WHY? was she so hurt she couldn’t tell me what that jealous guy had said?, keep thinking about having a serious face to face chat with her, please! help, feel like i don’t know where i stand anymore
It’s difficult to make generalisations about what men or women are like. To a certain extent women are better at identifying and expressing emotions while men tend to look for practical explanations and strategies.
So, she may be upset that you failed to realise how hurt she may feel at being delighted at what she thought was a very personal offering to her, only to find it was secondhand. How can you not ‘realise’ you wrote the same poem for someone else? And you may be keen to assign one meaning and event to her being upset when it could be a whole range of general dissatisfactions with your interaction. Or, indeed, have nothing to do with you. People often hit out in one area of their life when something entirely separate is going wrong – like kicking the cat when it’s your boss you’re furious at.
If you want to deal with this, stop thinking about woman in general and start focussing on the one person in particular. If you think she may have been hurt about the testimonial, ask if that’s it and apologise for being so crass. But also ask if its something else and if there is anything you can do about it.
You may simply have to accept that having decided she didn’t want to further your relationship, she’s not going to climb down from that. In which case, your best bet is to stop obsessing with her and find someone else. Sad – but that’s life. And it’s too short to spend your time tying yourself in knots trying to work out what someone who may be playing with your emotions or have problems of their own that make it difficult for them to have relationships may be doing.