She’s my best friend!

Dear Suzie, i am having truble with my best friend cause shes playing with the girl that i hate what should i do

I can see where you’re coming from. You feel because she is your friend she should be loyal to you and have only you as a playmate. It also means, in your mind, having the same feelings about other people as you do.

Hmmm. Well, I’m sure that’s a good definition of “friendship” at all. Yes, friends should be loyal and stick up for each other. And yes, you might expect friends to have similar tastes and opinions. But actually, part of the spice of good friendships is that while you have some things in common you’re not exactly alike. Friendships should enrich you and help you grow, and often part of that is learning from someone you trust but who knows and likes things you’re not aware of.

Having two or more friends isn’t being disloyal to one. It simply means spreading the friendship around – having two friends or more for the price of one.

I wonder why you hate this other person. Because she’s been mean to you? Because she’s different to you? Or because your friend likes her? You’ve given me no reason to believe it’s the first and neither of the other reasons are good ones to hate her. Sadly, people who insist on everything going their way and everybody doing things exactly the way they want it usually end up as friendless or bullies. And bullies often think they have life under control but actually are surrounded by dislike and contempt.

That’s not the way you want to go, I know it. So my advice for what to do is to face up to the fact you need to be the one and only and accept it’s not realistic. Talk it through with your Mum and get her to help you recognise being a good friend, and having a good friend, doesn’t have to mean only two of you. Time for that when you grow up and begin to date. That’s the time to ask for fidelity. For now – smile and join in. As I said, two for the price of one – that’s a bargain.

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