I’m 23, my boyfriend is 25, we’ve been together 7 years and our relationship is perfect apart from one thing; sex. We were both virgins when we met, sex was new and exciting for the first year, after that it wasn’t an important part of our relationship. Now sex is non-existent but it doesn’t seem to have an effect on our relationship.
We still love each other very much and kiss and cuddle all the time, but I have no desire for sex. He’s given up trying to have sex with me, and I know he watches porn videos when I’m not there. Why do I have no desire at all? Please help, I need to save this almost perfect relationship.
Sex isn’t separate from a relationship, it’s an integral part. Even when you don’t have sex very often, it’s still an important indicator of how you really feel about each other, yourselves and the relationship itself. Kissing and cuddling shows you care, but not feeling sexual desire might suggest you have something to say to him that you’re finding it hard to face up to.
Women avoid sex when they’ve been brought up to see sex as dirty and unpleasant, or when they have no power in a relationship – no power, that is, except to refuse him sex. They also do it when they feel angry but have been taught this is such an unfeminine and negative emotion, they can’t express it. What’s missing in this “almost perfect” relationship is communication. You need to sit down and talk to each other about your feelings and your actions, and come to some understanding of what is really going on.