I sent a dirty email

Dear Suzie,

I never usually do this kind of thing but you seem to give sound advice.

Im in a stupid and idiotic perdicament and I dont know what to do or say to make things right or even if I can.

In early December My girlfriend was about 8 months pregnant and we was in problems. We wasnt communicating properly and there was a rift. I like an idiot emailed this girl from work and it was a dirty email wrong I know and she replied with a dirty reply with pictures of herself. I realised that I was being a stupid and it was a mistake for me to even go down that road so I cooled it off.

I printed off the email in December with the pictures as I wanted to tell my girlfriend what I had done but never found the right time to tell her with the pregnancy and my baby boy being born on the 23/12!! I am happy and I love her to bits but now she doesnt trust me as she found the email and pictures in my coat pocket and she was so angry last night she attacked me and scratched all my arms. I know I deserve it because I have been such and idiot.

What do I do if there is anything??

I feel like an idiot for not having the strength to tell her.

Please help.

It sounds as if you are on the right road to doing something about this. You can see why you did it – you were scared at the commitment having a baby represented and weren’t communicating. You pulled back before you did anything more than sending and receiving an email. You know it was a stupid thing to do. You understand how hurt and angry she is, and how much she has a right to feeling that way. All of those give you a chance.

You need to do several things. You need to let her know how sorry you are. You need to discuss with her why you did it, and be clear about why that isn’t going to happen again. And you need to give her the chance to tell you – and to pin back your ears and listen to – what she is feeling.

But she needs to hear your side of it too. That isn’t for you t make excuses, mind; it’s for both of you to face up to and learn to deal with your anxieties about the enormous commitment of having a child. It’s a scary prospect. I don’t condone what you did but I do understand it. And the more both of you do, the better both of you will be able to talk and share and t let it happen again.

You could have another go at talking with her. You might find it helps to write down, as you have with me, exactly what you feel and would like to say and either give it to her beforehand or show it to her when you sit down together. Or you could make an appointment with a counsellor and tell her you really want to get this sorted and feel this would be one way of showing your commitment. A counsellor could help both of you listen to each other without an argument, and come to an understanding. Good luck!

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