Dear Suzie, I am fifteen years old, and I know you probably get this allllllll the time. I saw the other letter, and so am now assured that you will probably be rather bored of this type of problems. However, theres this guy i really like(yeah, i know, cliche or what?)but i practically have nowhere near enough confidence to tell him. I used to sit by him in my english, and he used to tease me and stuff, and his friends would always give him these weird looks when we(the guy)were talking, and one of them (i think) indicated(to the guy)that he thought this guy and i were flirting. This year, hes in my music class, and although he doesnt tease me anymore, we talk a lot in our music lessons and almost every night on msn(but sometimes in a group conversation). I know these may sound like indications that he likes me, but i dont know whether it is just as a friend, and i don’t know how to find out. As i have previously told you, telling him(or his friends)is not an option. Is there any other (prefferably subtle) ways to find out his true feelings? If you could help i would eternally grateful!!
Yes, I do get this alllll the time but no, I’m never bored. I do this site because I care – about you and every one like you who writes for help and needs and deserves it. real people and real questions are never boring.
But that doesn’t mean I’m going to say “Oh poor you” or offer you The Answer. Sometimes, a bit of tough talking may not be what you want to hear but it’s the best thing you can get!
So – you ask me for ways of finding out his true feelings. Like what? Telepathy? Magic? Alas, however much I’d love either to be real, so far I’ve not been able to make them work. Which means you’re down to two things; good old communication. Or psychology.
From what you’ve said I would think it’s pretty clear he likes you. You know it, his friends know it and I know it. So why hasn’t he asked you out? Fear of being hassled by his friends, fear of being humiliated by being turned down are two common reasons. Guys have a tough time being the ones we except to make the first move. Kind, assertive, intelligent and modern young women help them out either by making the first move themselves or making it very, very clear a move would be met with a ‘YES!’
You tell me talking to this lad isn’t an option. Why not? You talk already. So simply say “There’s a good film on next week. Want to go see it with me?” or “Fancy a coffee after school?” Or “Want to hang out with me next Saturday?” If he’s just a friend, he’ll say yes and you’ll simply have a good time together. If he wants to be more than just a friend, he’ll say yes and take the opportunity of being with you to advance the level of your friendship. Win/win, really. Now – is that so hard?
Point is, life doesn’t come on a plate – you have to make some effort and run some emotional risks to get what you want. And I have this theory; the pain when someone turns you down is nothing to the pain when you realise you missed out on something good because you were too scared to go for it. so – go for it!! Good luck!