he’s buff and 15 – should we have sex?

Dear Suzie, i am 13 and met a really buff boy when i was at the park. i got 2 know him more and he knows were i live. i gave him my number. he asked me out and then to have sex with him.


it was the spur of the moment and i said yes. i’m now really scared because it soon what the hell do i do . i really want to do it but i’m scared of getting pregnant. i could use a jonny but what if it don’t work. he is 15 help


You’re 13 and thinking of having sex with a boy you’ve only just met? What do you expect me to say? Oh yeah as long as you use protection? Well, I will say whatever your age even THINKING of having sex without protection is pretty idiotic. I’ll also say even thinking of having sex with someone you hardly know is idiotic too. He doesn’t know you, he doesn’t care about you, he’s only chancing his arm by asking and getting his rocks off if you’re foolish enough to say yes. And having sex when you’re only 13…. No, that’s simply too idiotic to consider.


You’re 13. The legal age for being able to say yes to sex is 16. I know – oh boy do I know – plenty of people have sex before 16. And many, many of them write to me or people like me afterwards, miserable, frightened, broken hearted and wishing they’d said no.


At 13, you have around 80 years of living in front of you. 80. Maybe even 90, the way things are going. What are you going to keep for those 80 years? Sex would be a good thing to leave for later, believe me. You think you’re all grown up and mature and I’m sure you are in many ways. And I really, really don’t want to put you down or diss you. But trust me – you don’t want to have your first sex at 13 with a boy you met in the park who asks you to go out and oh by the way, can we have sex.


You want to save sex for a boy who cares for you and loves you and a time when both of you really, really want to show each other how you feel. And you need to save it for a time when both of you are mature enough and close enough to talk over beforehand what method of contraception  you’re going to use in partnership. Because if you can’t do that, you’re not old enough and you’re not close enough to be having sex together. And that’s that.


So you call this boy up and you say you’ve changed your mind. You’ll see him again but you won’t have sex with him. You won’t because sex between you could end up with him in prison. And it could end up with you pregnant or miserable. But most of all, you won’t have sex because you don’t feel ready. And that’s that.


And if he argues or tries to put you down, you think it over. Do you want to make yourself that vulnerable with someone who wouldn’t take your no for an answer? How do you think he would have behaved after having sex? Yeah, right. If he says “Hey, I understand Let’s see each other anyway and I won’t push it.” then maybe he’s someone worth seeing.  But sex…leave that for another 3 birthdays.

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