he says just wants to be friends

Dear Suzie, my boyfriend just dumped me cause he just wants to be friends. Says he’s been thinking bout it for a month, and I even asked him last week if he was going to dump me and he said no. Problem is i love him. How am I going to get over him? There was nothing wrong with our relationship, even he admits that, he just wants something better…

It’s sad and you have my sympathy. The end of a relationship is always a wrench, whatever the reason and whatever either party says to end it. And the problem is it always takes some time to untangle your feelings, even if you’ve only been together a short time. The longer you were a couple or the more effort and emotion you put into the relationship the harder it might feel.

At this point, you probably do feel you love him and always will, and you will wonder how on earth you are going to get over it and him. How will you do it? One day at a time, that’s how. Last week, you woke up howling over the fact he’d gone. This week, you’ll wake up and ache. Next week….it’ll feel difficult. Next month….ah, well; next month it will start feeling just that little bit easier. And eventually whole days will go by when you didn’t think about him or hurt over him. And one day you’ll wake up happy, and someone else will make a pass and your heart will leap. Yes, sounds unlikely NOW, but trust me; it will happen.

And while this is gradually happening, like a cut or graze slowly healing, reflect on this. It doesn’t matter what particular excuse the other person comes up with, when it’s over it’s over. He could have said “It’s not you, it’s me.” Or “I need to find myself”. In fact he said “Can we just be friends.” All are ways of trying to say the spark has gone for him, or indeed that he’s found someone else but doesn’t want to hurt you by telling you so. He hasn’t behaved badly – although a more mature and brave and experienced man might have brought an end to the relationship a week or so earlier, when you realised something was wrong. But he’s done it now and not committed the all time crime of hanging on when the thing was really dead, and then ending it in a blazing row that really hurt you, as so many people do.

Lick your wounds, accept it wasn’t anything you did wrong or anything wrong with you that led to this. Relationships can fade and that’s a fact of life. Tell your family and friends you’re feeling blue and get them to take you out and cheer you up. Have a weep, mourn the end and stay friends if you can bear it. But don’t be tempted to go back – this one has run its course. There will be others, I promise. Good luck!

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