condom discovery

Dear Suzie,

To my horror, I just found two condoms in our home – let’s put it this way, I had a hysterectomy 4 years ago….. The expiration date on the individual Trojan packages is embossed as 7/2009 and the # embossed next to it is : 1064TQ. The other numbers printed on the side are: 9012223 and FL 99750-09. How can I tell when these were manufactured? Basically, I’m just needing to know approximately when these puppies might have been manufactured/purchased?

I can’t tell you from that information when they were made or bought and I don’t think that’s the point anyway. The best person to ask is the person you think or fear might have brought them into the house – I assume, your partner. Clearly you suspect he might be being unfaithful. If you don’t trust him surely sooner rather than later is the time to talk to him about this.

But before you do, consider the scenarios that could explain this. The obvious one is that he bought them to use with another woman. In which case he’s not very good at this infidelity thing if he’s left them somewhere for you to find. Maybe he wanted you to find them so you’d be the one to bring it out into the open rather than he. If you’ve been searching his pockets or drawers then you already have doubts about him, in which case finding ‘proof’ is really a moot point.

Of course, he could have got them some years ago, soon after you had your hysterectomy. Men quite commonly feel vulnerable and at ill at ease after such an operation, fearing they were somehow at fault and their body fluids somehow destructive. Or, they fantasise that whatever condition lead to your needing the operation might be dangerous to them and that unprotected sex could be contaminating. He might have felt embarrassed and unable to talk with you about it but kept them anyway.

If you have teenage children – male or female – in the house you may consider whether these actually belong to them. Kids can be sexually active long before you think they might – or should – and you may be missing something here. And, of course, kids play with condoms – blowing them up, filling them with water to drop out of windows – long before they may use them for sex.

So you need to ask yourself whether you feel you have cause for suspicion, or whether there could be alternative explanations. And then, you need to talk with him. No other course is going to allay your worries or help you sort this out. Good luck!

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