Dear Suzie,
I have been seeing this lady that i moved in with in April of this year. She and I both were in agreement not to fall in Love. we both did very deeply, i got scared and started pushing her away,

I am 33 years old and three yrs. ago i wwent to mexico and baought a hooker for the night she turned out not to be a she and i experianced an orgasome that you wouldn’t belive and have been a little more than curious since then so have dabbled a little in the gay thing then started encorperating it into our(hers&mine)sexual experiances i realised i could get an erection any longer without being done in my ass first.

even though she used to turn me on tremendously i don’t feel like that anymore with her i cant explane to her so we have since split up and i have distanced myself to the point that she is in constant pain over our break up and i love her so i cant watch her hurt so badly so i wont even take her calls now i had changed my # then called her when i was drunk and wanted to see her then we started talking again and i couldn’t handle knowing she was hurting so bad and it was my fault so quit answering her phone calls.

If you don’t tell people why you do what you do, they come up with their own explanations – and that ALWAYS involves the belief that it was their own fault. So she probably believes your pushing her away was because she is undesirable, and your distancing yourself was because she was poor in bed and your leaving her was because she was unlovable. Unless you explain you have emotional tussles of your own, she will be left struggling to make some sense of all this and blame her own inadequacies. That’s not very kind, is it?

Being bi-curious isn’t a crime – it’s actually pretty common. I think many people, if not the majority, are neither fully straight nor fully gay but strung out somewhere on a continuum in between. And there is no doubt at all that anal stimulation both excites and satisfies many people – gay or straight, male or female. So I strongly suggest the best, and most decent, thing would be to get back in touch and sit down with her for a heart to heart over what happened and why.

It might help to do it with the guidance and support of a counsellor – ask your local Relate or your doctor for an appointment. But alone or with help, I really think she deserves it and so do you, even if this ends in your breaking up for good. At least you won’t both be left with confusion and guilt.

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