Dear Suzie, I am a 46 year old divorced woman who is divorced. I have been Bi Curious for a while now but recenty I have had more feelings about it. I have chated online to women who have aasked me to meet them but I’m scared. I have kissed a woaman before but that is all. I’m scared to meet anyone for the chat rooms because they don’t know I’m disabled and I don’t think they’d like me when they found out. I have incontanence problems too and that is what is more embarressing to talk about to other women because they all seem to talk about loving oral sex. Can you help me with my problem please?
You may be right in having concerns about being stereotyped when people see you; as it’s often said, they see the wheelchair and not the person in it. Many people, however, don’t have such blinkers and I think you should always give them a chance to show they can rise above such foolishness.
The big advantage of getting to know people online is that you all have the chance to meet and get to know the person under the surface before letting ‘the meat’ intrude. If you are concerned about your disability, I would arrange a meeting and then mail “BTW; I do need to tell you beforehand that…..(and explain about your disability and what it means.) Are you still okay? Let me down gently if you don’t think you can handle this.” That gives them the opportunity to think it over and come back to you, keeping both your dignity intact. My bet is that most women will reply “Thanks for your honesty but I want to meet the person I’ve got to know –your appearance is not the point.”
Some women may find the idea of incontinence problems a turn off, some may see it as something you manage when it’s with someone you feel strongly about…and some may even see it as a sexual addition. You should also make it clear that this is a new departure for you – again, most women looking for partners would be only too glad to be sensitive and understanding with a newbie and make allowances for last minute shyness or uncertainty.
As for meeting people you know online in the real world – please adhere to the common-sense guidelines on this; don’t give landline numbers or home addresses at first, always meet in a public place, don’t accept an invitation to travel to or from your home with the person at first, don’t go back to their home or invite them to yours until you feel safe, always let someone you trust know what you are doing and where you are going and let the person you are meeting know you have done this. Good luck and enjoy!