Am i turning bi?

Dear Suzie,

I just turned 50 this month. When I was a young teen i played doctor w a female first cousin and my step brother. He and I had a great time of jerking and sucking each other off as well as taking showers together. We both have our own families and he hopes I never tell anyone what we did.

There was always a playboy or penthouse at home when i was growing up. I’ve always liked girl on girl scenes. However, now I like seeing man, man on each other and a woman clips. Does that mean i’m becoming bi? I do think about another man and i sucking each other and fucking my wife. Although raised a fundamentalist my wife loves looking at men’s cocks in porno mags and videos.

I look forward to your answer.

All kids play doctor. Many kids sex-play with siblings. And most adults have gay sexual fantasies. Does it mean anything? No.

What returning to fantasies or sexual memories of childhood may mean, however, is either an underlying dissatisfaction with something in your present life or a simple case of midlife crisis or introspection. It’s entirely significant and unsurprising that you just turned 50. That’s the age when most of us look back over more years behind than are probably in front, and wonder; what if…I’d done that, gone there, tried this, avoided the other? You might like to consider what is going on in your life and if either thinking it over yourself or talking it over with your wife, or asking for a session or two with a counsellor from Relate might help.

It’s also the time when married sex can hit a bit of a rut and maybe needs spicing up a bit. Have a look at some of my books to see some suggestions that keep it between you and your wife. I do hear from may couples wondering about introducing another person into their bed, who ask whether making that fantasy real could help. You’ll hear some people saying it can work. I’m of the firm opinion that fantasy is fun when it is just that – firmly in your head or simply play-acted between you. But it’s your life and your choice.

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