am i gay?

Dear Suzie,

I am unsure about my sexuality. I find women attractive whereas I don’t find men attractive. I find the thought of having gay sex more exciting and enjoyable than the thought of having straight sex, even though I have not yet experienced gay sex yet. I also very much enjoy cross-dressing, does this have any impact on my sexuality?

What do you mean by cross dressing? Women, after all, can wear trousers, shirts and even ties without it being an indication of gender orientation, and without I being thought at all odd or different, as perhaps we still do when a man wears a skirt. Unless it’s a kilt, that is!

But if you mean you like to dress in a way that makes you feel as if you are taking on the characteristics of a man, then that may be cross-dressing – but it still doesn’t necessarily help in defining your sexuality. People who cross dress don’t always prefer their own sex as sexual partners. As for finding the thought of gay sex more exciting – again, many straights find gay sexual fantasies erotic, without it in any way impacting on their orientation.

So – I would say that your clothes and your fantasies may have nothing to do with your gender orientation, if that is a concern to you. But if your question is whether it’s okay to be gay and whether you should explore this, then I have to say “Yes.” And “It’s up to you”.

If you are unsure, then maybe you need to talk this through with someone who would be accepting and professional and would help you work out what worries you and how you’d like to proceed. Most places now have a local Lesbian and Gay Switchboard – look in your phone book for your nearest. Or go to for young people’s advisory services in your own area. Good luck!

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