I’m 34 and have been divorced for a year. I’ve known my 27 year old boyfriend for nearly two years. We get on brilliantly and so does he and my two sons, who’ve known him from the beginning of our relationship. I’ve always been honest and truthful with them, right through the divorce. But my boyfriend’s ex has always insisted on telling his three children that he is working away from home and refuses to let them know about me or meet my kids.
Do you think I’m being selfish to think we should meet and would it upset them – they are 7, 4 and 2. I don’t think we could have a permanent relationship without this. How can I do the right thing, as I think children’s feelings always come first?
Of course meeting you and learning that their parents relationship is over will upset them. But it will upset them far more to find out they’ve been lied to – and I suspect the eldest at least knows this already, as kids are far more canny and aware than parents often like to think.
However, if you try to push this she may become even more reluctant to face up to the ending. You should and could talk to your partner and make your feelings clear. But it has to up to him and the mother of his kids to come clean and decide what they’re going to do. This isn’t an unusual situation so suggest he gets in touch with Parentline Plus, on 0808 800 2222, who can help all of you manage it better.