condom query

Dear Suzie,
I’m not sure if this is your area of expertise, but I need some advice on the correct way to put a condom on a man. My boyfriend and I agree that his foreskin needs to be pulled back first before putting the condom on. But he always pulls the skin forwards again after the condom is on because he says it gives the skin freedom to move over the head during sex (like having sex without a condom). But when he tries it his way, the condom sometimes comes loose during thrusting and we have to stop and fix it. Although we’re careful, I do get worried about the safety aspect of this. We’ve tried it with the skin back a few times and he said that when we started thrusting it felt like his foreskin was being pulled back too far, so we had to stop. Do other couples keep it skinned back or are we doing something wrong here? Thanks in advance.

Yes, you need to keep the foreskin pulled back, both when you put on the condom and whilst having sex with it on. If you let the foreskin slide forward during sex the condom will slip off and you will risk pregnancy.

The correct way to put on a condom is to wait until he is fully erect, but before you have had any contact between his penis and your vagina. Pull the foreskin back, pinch the end of the condom to leave a small airspace at the tip, and unroll it right down to the root of his penis, so it nestles against his body. Keep it fully on him – if necessary keep it anchored by holding it on. When he has come, he should carefully pull out of you holding the condom in place. Slip it off and tie a knot in the end or wrap it in tissue and then throw it away – don’t flush it down the loo. Make sure he doesn’t put his penis near your vagina again without washing or wiping himself thoroughly and doesn’t enter you again without putting on a fresh condom.

I think the problem here is that he is confusing the sensations he is used to when masturbating with the sensations you’d get when having intercourse. Guys who are uncut often do learn to please themselves by manipulating the foreskin over the glans. It feels better sometimes than using the hand directly on the glans – his hand can feel too rough. Or, because he’s feeling sensation in both his own hand and the glans, it’s clear to him he’s stimulating himself. It can feel better, and is more lubricated, to make sure the foreskin is the part that does the rubbing. But when you have intercourse, the foreskin will skin back and the sensation then comes from rubbing against the silky soft, grainy inside of the vagina. If he could let himself get used to having his foreskin skinned back, he’d find the sensation is actually far better than pulling the foreskin over the glans.

It might help to show him how it could feel by masturbating him with the foreskin pulled back and with plenty of cream slathered over your hand. But if you’re going to put on a condom and have intercourse after, make sure you use lubricating gel or cream from the chemist, or bought via website such as Using anything other than lubrication designed for condoms is asking for trouble since the oil in most creams will rot them in seconds. And I mean seconds!

Sex takes practise to get right and to feel really good. My advice? Plenty of practise! Oh it’s a hard job but somebody’s got to do it……

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