Will we bring each other down?

Dear Suzie, I recently met this guy who I have felt a connection with and really like.  I know he feels the same way for me but I’m worried.  We’re both quite depressive and I’m worried we’ll bring each other down, and secondly he’s moving away in August and I don’t know whether to let things continue now.  I really care for him.

 You never know how long a relationship is going to last. Someone living next door could stay friends for twenty years or two days. Someone living half a globe away could be your best mate for two days or twenty years. Me – I’d never pass up the chance to spend time with someone I liked and who liked me, whatever future plans may be.

 But it concerns me that you automatically go for the worst option – that you’ll depress each other. You’re a real “the glass is half empty, not half full” person, aren’t you? And that is what I would like to suggest you consider changing. Ask your doctor for a referral to some talking therapy – NLP or neuro-linguistic programming my be particularly helpful for you. In NLP, we look at the ways we interpret events and the messages we give ourselves. You, for instance, talk yourself into seeing the downside. Not – ‘oh, it will be lovely to spend time with him even if he is going away’, but ‘oh, his going away will spoil it and we’ll depress each other’. NLP helps you re-programme your attitude from negative to positive.

Whether you do continue with this relationship or not, I’d strongly suggest you ask your doc for such help. Good luck!

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