Dear Suzie,my girlfriend and i have just broken up and we love each other to bits, we had something special. About 6 weeks ago we split up for a few weeks and in that time i started seeing someone else but always wanted to be back with my ex. Out of the blue my ex phoned for help and we met up, the love was still their and we got back together.I explained that i was seeing someone else but we only held hand but i was lieing so as not to upset my girlfriend, unfortunatly she goes to our local pub! My gilfriend ask so many question about this girl and couldn’t believe that we didn’t have sex, i continued to lie.My girlfriend wanted to go to the pub but i made excuses as she was up there and i didnt want anyone to say anything. This went on for about 2 weeks and i decided to come clean last week. My girlfriend was devastated and we split up. I’ve had e mail from her, saying how much she loves me but she will not have me back, im gutted. What do i do, i no i made a mistake?
Some mistake. You loved this girl so much that within days of splitting up from her – the girl you loved to bits – you were not only seeing but shagging someone else. And then you lied about it.
OK – lesson number one. Relationships at your age are on-off at the touch of a switch. If you break up and still have feelings for the other person and would like to get back together, wait. Don’t rush off and find someone else – wait for the dust to settle and see if you can give it another try.
Lesson number two. Don’t lie. Lies are death to relationships. The truth, however unpleasant, is always preferable because when you find your partner is prepared to lie, you can’t trust them about anything. And the one thing you have to have in any relationship that is going to work is trust.
And lesson number three – however hard you may want something, you can’t make the other person fall into line if they don’t want to.
It sounds as if your ex has decided your behaviour is beyond forgiving – and I don’t blame her. On the basis of what you’ve said, I wouldn’t trust you further than I could throw you. But I might come round if you demonstrated true remorse, that you meant it when you talked about this being “something special” and that you could be trusted. Tell her you’ll wait for her and that to show you mean it, you’re not going to go out with anyone else. If you can do that for longer than a few weeks, she might learn to trust you again. Me – I’d want at least a 6 month trail to show good faith! If you think it’s too hard or unreasonable…well, that’s up to you.