I’m 27 and my girlfriend is 25. We’ve been together for a year and a half. We get on really well, have a lot in common and the sex is good. She gets on well with my family & me with hers. We spend pretty much all our time together out of work & get on really well for most of it & have fun.
My problem is that she tells me that she loves me regularly. Whilst I care for her a lot, deep down I’m not sure that I feel the same. However, when I look at it intellectually there are so many things about the relationship that are good and it’s much better than being single.
My dilemma is, do I end it with her because I’m not completely in love? Or would it be stupid of me to throw away what is otherwise a great relationship?
I think it depends on what you mean by not being, or being, in love. To an extent, I think we all know when this is The One – when love is there and you’re in the relationship you want to commit to. But I also think that sometimes people have very unrealistic expectations. You search for the Perfect 10 and in doing so, simply miss the 9 that is under your nose and is actually far better than a fantasy relationship you’d never really get.
Do you find it hard to say “I love you” because you don’t love her, or because you come from a family that has taught you to bottle up, or that declaring love puts you on the fast track for disappointment? I don’t think anyone should settle for second best. But I do think you may do well to ask yourself, honestly, whether you’d feel and act the same in any other relationship as well. In other words, is the problem in you or is it about her and you? Answer that and you’ll know what to do.