The other mums are so unfriendly

I used to meet a friend every Saturday for coffee when we’d done our supermarket shopping and we’d go in with our kids and sit and chat. She moved last year and i only see her every other month. There are some other mums at the café I go to but they’re not very friendly. They smile and say hello but they never ask me to join them. How can I make friends?

Don’t wait to be asked. Your ‘body language’ says as much as your words when you meet people. I suspect yours is saying ‘I’m fine as I am, thank you very much’ If they’ve seen you with other people they may assume you’re on your own by choice. And if you sit hunched up, turned or just looking away people leave you alone. They don’t ask you to join in because they think you’re the one being unfriendly or don’t need them. They don’t know you’re shy or scared and miss your friend.

Next time, take a deep breath and go over. Look someone in the eyes and just make some remark about your child or theirs – a compliment, a question, a comment. It may lead to a chat. Or it may just break the ice so next time you can smile and say hello, and take it from there. It’s scary and takes effort to make friends, I know. But it’s worth risking being turned away because the chances are you’ll be welcomed in.

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