I have done a lot of bad things in my life and now it’s all catching up with me. I am so upset and I wish I could turn back time a few years and start again. I just want to start again. I know people say that nothing is worth killing yourself over. But I’m begining to think suicide is the only way out now. I’m making myself ill over it but everytime I get back into the normal routine I just cry my eyes out. People think I am a drama queen but they don’t know what is going on. I can’t tell anyone because it is too shameful. I don’t know what you are thinking about me right now but all I ever wanted to be was a nice person who could live their life to the full and never do anything too bad and to know that your never going to change what you’ve done…It hurts so much. Please help me. you are the only support I have.
I’m really sorry to hear how desperate you feel. I do now how it can be, and how you can come to imagine there is no way out. I’ve been there! And I can look back and say “Well, thank goodness I didn’t harm myself cos look how things have changed!”
And it’s simply not true that I’m the only support you have. There is plenty out there, you just have to ask for it. And ask for it you must.
You knew I wouldn’t judge or diss you; neither will any of a whole range of people, who can help you through this immediate crisis, and then on to putting yourself back on track. You may not want to go to family or friends – I can understand that. But no matter WHAT you think you’ve done a counsellor wouldn’t judge, wouldn’t be shocked or let it faze them. Believe me – it doesn’t matter what you think is shameful, I would be matter-of-fact about it and so would any helper.
So – where can you go? For immediate help you could call Samaritans on 0345 909090, or ask the operator to put you through.
Your own GP may be able to listen and help – some are very good on emotional worries. Some are less so but can refer you to a counsellor in their own surgery. Relate offer counselling for relationship and family issues. They also do phone counselling – call 08451 30 40 16 for an appointment.
You could visit The Site to find somewhere in your area that could hep with your particular problem. You see, that’s where I now come up against a barrier; I don’t know what sort of issue we’re talking about to be able to further signpost you – drink or drugs, sex or sexuality, abuse or exploitation, friendships or relationships or what.
Whatever it is, please do look for some help and support. You can’t turn back years but you can begin afresh; all it needs is to take that one step that you’ve already begun, which is to ask for help. Good luck!