Dear Suzie, i’ve recently started chatting to a guy on the net who i like and who wants to meet me for a drink. we live close to each other so were gonna go to a local bar. thing is i’m scared. i don’t find myself attractive, don’t know what to wear and have a form of alopecia which he doesnt know about and i’m scared will frighten him away. should i cancel?
One of my fav internet jokes is a cartoon of two people in separate places, sat at computers, and the guy is typing “You’re a model? Cool! I’m a Chippendale dancer. I also race speedboats and run marathons…” Both are in slovenly underwear, she’s fat and forty with a ciggie hanging out her mouth, he’s a total slob surrounded by empty beercans. The point being, in cyberspace no-one can see you. The downside of that is that you can spin an absolute fiction about who you are and what you look like. (or is that the upside?). But here’s a definite upside; you can get to know and like someone without their appearance intruding.
You’re worrying about yourself, but what about him? How do you know what he looks like? He may be gorgeous, he may be hideous. But does it, will it, matter? Just because you don’t find yourself attractive doesn’t mean someone else won’t – especially someone who has ‘clicked’ with you in the only way that really matters, mind to mind.
Should you cancel? Unquestionably NOT. If your alopecia is something that is instantly noticeable, and that might rather take over those first few minutes of meeting, then tell him about it before hand. And while you’re about it, tell him you’re nervous and why. Bet you he’ll tell you he feels the same!
It sounds, BTW, as if you’re going to observe the Golden Rules of meeting in real life someone you’ve met on the internet;
*Never exchange phone numbers or addresses until you’ve met them and got to know them.
*Always meet in a busy public place, preferably somewhere you are known.
*Make sure someone – a friend or relative – knows what you’re doing and where you’re going.
*If you can, either suggest you double date with a friend or have a friend where you meet so you can go to them if necessary.
*If you don’t have someone where you meet, arrange to be expected to be in touch with your friend or relative after the date and preferably by mobile partway through.
*Trust your instincts and if it feels wrong, end the date and go home safely – by cab or by ringing a friend or relative to collect and escort you.
Go on – go and enjoy. Safely! Good luck!