Our relationship was meant 2 b very discreet

Dear Suzie, Last month, i bumped into my ex… we sadly split 6 months ago becuse a lot of people began to interfere with our private lives when our relationship was meant 2 b very discreet. we got back 2gether as we both thought we could give things another try. Only on the condition that we dont tell anybody and keep it a top secret. Howveer, last week. he rang me and told me there was a problem and somebody had found out. He is accsuing me when i havent told anybody, he is refusing to answer my calls and is calling me a liar. He dosent even reply 2 my texts and says things are over. I dont want this to happen and i refuse to move on without him by my side! plz help

Why is your relationship “meant 2 b very discreet”? I can think of only one reason why this would be understandable and acceptable; if you come from different religious/cultural groups and were at real risk of violence from either of your families.

Other than that – why would you want to keep it secret? Most families and friends try to poke a nose in the lives of the people they love. Being an adult may mean acquiring the ability to say “Thanks for your opinions but this is my business”. They’ll persist in two situations. Either, they have a problem and are persistent, selfish, domineering and interfering and you can’t break away and manage your own life. In which case, you may need help and support from someone such as a counsellor to gain the ability to run your own life. Or, because they have damn good reason to be making their feelings heard. Is this relationship an affair? Is this man a user and abuser? His behaviour suggests at least the second if not the first as well to me. Which means that these “interfering” people are the ones who have your best interest at heart, not this man.

You refuse to move on without him by your side? Sounds like you’re stuck, then. Actually, it sounds to me as if you’d be stuck a lot worse if you did have him by your side – in the shadows, insisting on secrecy. For heaven’s sake woman, listen to yourself! What sort of a man demands your relationship has to be secret? What sort of a man calls you names and won’t listen to you? What sort of relationship is it if it has to be in the dark? If I were you, I’d heave a sigh of relief and move on. Find yourself a man who wants to shout your relationship from the rooftops. Or go back to the person from whom you want this kept a secret and sort it out.

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