It was all a lie

My husband walked out on me two months ago and I feel such a fool. I thought we had the perfect marriage – two lovely children, a nice house. Ok, we didn’t spend as much time as I’d like together and we had our arguments but I was just shattered to learn he’d been having an affair for over a year. He didn’t go to stay with her – he says it’s over but he’s not coming back. I thought at first he’d come to his senses but now he’s buying a flat so I think he means it. I feel as if the whole marriage – our children, our life together – was a lie and I don’t know how to go on.

I am sad to hear of your situation. It feels painful now, and will always be a source of regret and disappointment, but eventually you’ll be able to look back on the good bits of your marriage and appreciate they still exist and are still real. The sad ending doesn’t take away the happy beginning nor what came out of you relationship – years of trust and two lovely children both of you still love. It might help to ask if he’d go with you to counselling, not to put the marriage back together but to enable you to part with a degree of dignity and closure – he owes you that. Once you can understand why he did what he did and can feel he has heard your anger and disillusionment you may be able to move on. You may feel you could never trust him again as a partner but can do so as a co-parent, and that you will be able to trust someone else again.

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