I just want him to get off my back!

Dear Suzie, Im getting really annoyed with my boyfriend keep going on at me about getting a job. As far as I see it, it has nothing to do with him especially as i am not even borrowing money off of him. I keep telling him this but he insists it has got something to do with him and keeps having a go. It’s not even like I am living with him and have to share the bills. What can I do? He’s drivin me insane. I have been with him 3 yrs so breaking up is not an option, I just want him to get off my back! Please try to reply as I dont think I can take much more. Thanks

Why isn’t breaking up an option? You may not want it to happen but has it occurred to you he may be considering it? And frankly, if the two of you have such fundamental differences maybe you would be better off with someone who has a life view that matches yours more.

Does it have something to do with him? I would think it does. If you share a life, you share. And in this, you disagree.

Of course, it obviously depends on your reasons for not having a job. Because you have health reasons for not working? Then he’s manifestly being unfair. Because you’re studying for qualifications that will give you a career in the future? Then you clearly have different ideas of what’s important. Because you can’t find work in our area? He has – maybe he feels you aren’t trying, and whether that is true or not is up to you to work out. Because you can’t be arsed? Well…..

Even if he doesn’t lend you money your lack of earned cash and lack of a job certainly impinges on him. If he’s earning he may have more cash to spend and unless he pays for you, he has to cut back on what you do together so you can afford it too. If he has a job, he has things to do, things to think about, things that are important that you may not share or sympathise with. Your daily timetables may be different, with him having to be in bed early in order to be alert for work next day when you don’t. He may have issues about what his friends and colleagues feel about his partner who doesn’t work…oh, there are many, many issues that I can see could concern him. And of course, it makes the prospect of developing the relationship to the point where you may consider living together difficult.

If you want him to get off you back maybe it’s time to sit down and have a proper, clear and honest discussion about what both of you feel about this, what you want out of life and what you want out of this relationship. Maybe you could do with some help or support to relook at your life. Maybe you and he see things so differently that breaking up could be the only option.

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