I caught him staring at her ass!

Dear Suzie,

My boyfriend and I are dating for 4 years now. And he has this neighbor girl and a wife of his cousin. When we were just 2 years, I saw the girl flirting with my man. But I didn’t saw any reactions from him. I got jealous of it and I confronted my boyfriend about it and he said its not true. And now we are in our 4th years. This girl cheated with her husband and now she is not that sexy but she walks like flirting to every man who saw her and waving her ass and wearing fitting clothes that curve her ass and hers. And I had some suspicions that maybe my boyfriend will stare on it. Then I catch him on the hole in the kitchen and his outside staring on that ass. Then he saw me watching him and he go inside immeadeately feel guilty and see if i’m fine but I’m not and I slap him three times and he denied it. And I stood for what I had saw. And now he said like before that I am the only one he adored and love. But now I couldn’t hardly believe him. I feel this extremme jealousy and I can’t hardly bear it. I don’t know if to stare another’s ass is normal to every man or not. Please help me.

thanks in advance

Men stare at asses and women do too. And guess what – men stare at breasts and women at crotches. Are you telling me you have NEVER noticed another man, in passing or without meaning it even if you don’t do it much? If you say so, I think you’re either lying to me, or fooling yourself.

Staring means nothing. In fact, having stray thoughts about how much you appreciate what you’re staring at it is nothing either. What counts is what you DO about it. And as far as I can see, whatever this women does or says or thinks, your man has done nothing and intends doing nothing. The one with the problem seems to be you. Jealousy isn’t about the other person’s behaviour – that you feel jealous or how jealous you feel says nothing about your man’s fidelity. It says volumes about your self esteem and confidence, and the change you need to work on is improving those, not insisting your man keeps his eyes to the ground or lies to you. Yes of course he shouldn’t do things he knows hurt you, and you have every right to say calmly “Hey – I don’t like that.”. But unless he lears and makes a big deal of it deliberately to hurt you, just looking is pretty harmless.

Talk to him, not about what he is doing but how you are feeling, and ask yourself why you might be feeling so insecure and fragile. Discuss how you may work on that. There are two books i can recommend on the subject of jealousy, both available from amazon; Overcoming Jealousy by Windy Dryden and Jealousy (Overcoming Common Problems) by Paul Hauck. Good luck!

This entry was posted in All Advice, Relationships, Self-Esteem. Bookmark the permalink.