There are so many things in your story that really, really worry me. I don’t think this is the place to discuss them.
IF you are at school you will have a tutor or teacher or someone attached to the school you can and should talk to. Do so, please, and tell them exactly what you have told me. If you’re missing school, you can go to The Site and find a service near to you that will have someone you can speak to.
If you are not at school at all I think you seriously need someone to speak with and I suggest you ask your own GP to recommend someone to talk to.