I am running out of options

Dear Suzie, i feel stuck in my marriage of 7 years my husband works away but when he comes home he just takes over disrupes everything he picks on all the things that i havent done i work ful time looks after the house kids dogs he picks on everything that i do or the way i look wants sex three times a day so its becoming a core everything is his so when we argue he throws me out i thought it was though drink but he is like this all the time i am running out of options if i leave him i lose everything

If you leave him you lose verbal abuse, sexual abuse, humiliation, uncertainty and an awful lot of extra work. Hey – you’re right – that’s an awful lot to lose.

You could on the other hand gain self respect, confidence, a happy house, happy kids and a very relieved dog. Do the maths. Sounds like a no-brainer to me.

Everything is his? No. You’re married and have kids. You also work. And you keep the house when he is away. That means that when you file for divorce your shared assets will be divided and as the person who will have the children to live with her, you will have first choice on the house.

The abusive nature of your marriage has meant he has beaten you down to a state where you believe his lies, and believe you can’t do without him. You can. And very well, I would suggest.

I know separation isn’t easy and I’m sure your kids will have mixed feelings about having their father thrown out, however vile he is to them and however horrible it may be to see him bully you. But there is nothing quite as damaging as growing up in a family where one parent abuses then other and in the long run they will benefit far more from your taking a stand and bringing this to a halt then staying in this family.

Contact Resolution – first for family law for a solicitor in your area who is experienced in family issues. You can start off with a short first interview for a nominal sum or for free to assess your situation. He or she would help you manage this with minimum conflict. But manage it you must, and soon, before it goes very sour. You’re playing it down but you’re describing marital rape and abuse, and trust me – it will eventually escalate to become positively dangerous. Please get help.

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