Dear Suzie, im a buddhist and i believe in Dukkha, Anatta and everything. I have been going out with this boy for three months. We have a good time but now he is beginning to put pressure on me to have sex. I like him a lot and he said that he loves me. I am 16 and Iâ m not sure that I am ready to go that far but I donâ t want to loose him. Is he worth it?
No one is worth going against your own feelings or principles. Ever.
Someone who loved and respected you would only want to do what you were ready to do. Someone who cared for you would care what you felt. Someone who was worth while would put a worth on your feelings above his own desires.
I’m not saying he’s all bad. Young men can get carried away with their feelings, and do come under tremendous pressure from friends and society to ‘prove themselves’ by having sex. He might only be in it for sex, or he may really care for you but find it hard to draw a line between what might be good for him and what may be good for you.
So you need to stand up and tell him, firmly; no means no. It’s not a rejection of him but his putting pressure on you feels like he cares more about himself than you – and why should you do something that could lead to sadness and regret just to please a guy who doesn’t really care what you feel?
Most young people who have sex under the age of 18, and some even after that, say they wish they had left it till later. And that’s boys as well as girls.
This is a lesson for life, my dear. If it’s not right for you, even if the other person really, really wants it, don’t do it. You’re responsible for yourself, not answerable to him. Say no, and mean it. He may kiss you kindly and say “Fine. I understand how you feel. We’ll wait, then.” Or he may leave.
But if he flounces off, he really wasn’t worth it because trust me; the chances are if he leaves you when you say no, he’d have left you soon after your saying yes.