After dating a guy for a while I introduced him briefly to my mother. A few weeks later I discovered aggressive and negative traits in him, the relationship ended and we have had no contact since. On paper the guy is a superb catch (intelligent, prestigious job, good looking) and my mother is now demanding that I give her his contact details so she can introduce him to her friends’ daughters. My mother has spoken to him in total for under ten minutes, knows absolutely nothing about him personally and despite my explaining why we broke up, insists that she has the right to have his contact details. So far I have refused and whilst the arguments on this matter are tiresome, I do not want him anywhere near me or my family circle. He has not tried to contact me either so I can only assume he feels the same way! Am I right not to give his details to my mother?
Absolutely right! What part of “This man is a user and abuser” does your mother not understand?
You’re an adult; she has no right at all to know about your friends or your love life – that you choose to tell her is a privilege and entirely your choice. She certainly has no right whatsoever to demand his contact details! But quite apart from that if this man is a wrong ‘un you have a responsibility – a responsibility you are properly discharging – not to pass him on to other women you know.
Tell her you will go over once more why you dropped him and make a clear statement of her total lack of ‘rights’ in this matter. And then tell her the subject is closed. Period. And if she goes on bullying you, do what we should always do with bullies; walk away and leave them to themselves.